It's been a trying week. Admittedly, my mind has been distracted. I received word that my discharge day is approaching soon, which means a bunch of arrangements need to be confirmed – all so I have a soft landing when I do finally return to my apartment. I'm also critically looking at the possibility I hoard clothes. My vice is in fashion and electronics; isolation from these things only encourages me to buy more. I used to call it "treating myself", but this was just a way of justifying the expense. And it can get in the way of my studying. This st*ff is hard.
I reached a wall in SQL and haven't found the right Youtube video to explain it plainly. But, I need to work through it and embrace this process. Logging into LinkedIn provides me with inspiration but at the same time anxiety. They say don't compare yourself to others, but this is a habit I haven't mastered yet. All I can think of is how far behind I am. That combined with Imposter's Syndrome is what quite literally keeps me up all night - mind racing, negative and positive thoughts competing for headspace, and more anxiety. It's been my routine for the past several weeks. I'm looking for progress in all the right places, so I thought. But, perhaps this is a moment to remember to breathe and take a look back at how far I've come and what I've accomplished, under the unique circumstances that I'm in.
It's an uphill battle. But, I have told myself if I do something each day, no matter the magnitude, I'll chip away at that mountain. That's at least something I can commit to. Kaizen. I know I have to fight for it. And this is my method. Now, breathe in, hold, breathe out.
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